I am an extremely intelligent man. I am the envy of thousands of lesser minds. And yet, I am a sad and angry man. If only the evolution of Humanity could keep up with my own rapidly advancing intellect, life would not be half the burden that it is. I’ve grown so weary through the years I’ve spent trying in vain to bring the faintest beam of clarity into the minds of my fellow human beings. Dull naked apes, every one of them.
Case in point: Do you want to know what the most abundant element in the Universe is? The greatest minds in the scientific community—idiots—have yet to figure it out. They know that the amount of detectable matter in the cosmos has nowhere near enough mass to account for the amount of gravity needed to keep solar systems and galaxies from flying all over the place. They know there has to be an enormous amount of invisible matter out there. They call it Dark Matter, but they have no idea what it is.
Well, I’ll tell you what it is. Dark Matter is Stupidity. That’s right. Stupidity is the most abundant element in the Universe. And it’s not confined to outer space. Earth began with its own modest level of Stupidity, hardly a problem, not even noticeable. But then we unwittingly depleted the ozone layer, letting in more cosmic Stupidity. Let’s not forget Newton’s Law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. It’s plain to see, you deplete the ozone, you get stupid; you keep depleting the ozone, you get more stupid. So now we’ve reached the point where pure bone-headed, slack-jawed Stupidity is destroying the human race.
Case in point: There’s a moron in the White House. And look at Congress. A bunch of mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging droolers with their heads so far up their asses they’re waddling around on their butt cheeks. And I’m sure you’ve noticed their ridiculous preoccupation with stupid trivial shit. For instance, this nonsense about building walls and how big is the President’s dick, while they never even mention the real and present danger facing the very Earth on which we live.
I’m talking about the deadly threat to Earth posed by the aliens living inside our moon. It was well established as early as 1969, when the first humans landed on the lunar surface. Armstrong and company discovered that the moon is NOT a planetoid made of stone, but a hollow metal sphere with a thin coating of dust and rock decorated with faux craters. This discovery calls “Bullshit” on the story scientists continue to tell us. Do you really believe that the moon is a part of Earth that broke off in the early days of the Solar System? NO. If that thing up there is really a moon, then I’m a raving loony! It was flown in from somewhere else as soon as Earth began to develop life.
Ever wonder why the moon keeps only the one side facing Earth. I know! In the early 70s, the United States and the former Soviet Union launched several secret “moon” missions specifically to investigate the dark side. On the dark side of the “moon” they found an alien spaceport surrounded by luxury hotels, casinos and dance clubs—all connected below the surface by tunnels with elevators to multiple levels in the interior of the sphere. The smart money says they’re getting ready for a pre-emptive strike on Earth. And here’s why… The secret missions learned that one of the Earth-facing craters on the surface is, in fact, an enormous sliding door, behind which a giant weapon of destruction is aimed directly at Earth’s equator.
This information was heroically obtained by Leonid Pantshitsky, a shifty Soviet cosmonaut who managed to filch a thumb drive from an unattended PC when one of the aliens went for coffee. It took years to decipher the purloined information, but it’s finally been revealed. We now know that the aliens in the moon have a mandate from the Queen of the Universe to vaporize Earth if and when it reaches a level of Stupidity deemed dangerous to Intelligent Life in the Universe.
E J Barron
E J Barron 